I never do get out much during the day... I usually just sleep in alot and wait until the day goes by when its night i feel more wanted to step outside.
My life isn't all that great I guess some would say others would probably say its better than nothing. To me i kinda feel like it is nothing.
I live in a run down cheap apartment I usually just make my money from gambling or doing small things that will help keep the cash flowing it isn't much but its enough to keep me going I suppose.
As i stepped outside into the dark I realized it was raining so I put on my hoody and continues walking.
The streets seemed empty which is rare to happen I live in a busy city it's always busy 24 hrs a day.
All that kept me occupied on the walk was the flashing colourful lights from casinos or bars even hotel suites.
velvet pink spilled onto the streets and suddenly it was gone replacing it with a neon green then to a crystal blue colour all the colours seemed to dance with another in a pattern.
Now and then i would walk by some homeless people that don't bother to make eye contact with me like i never exsisted they would sit there starring at the ground in there sleeping bag and what not like they were just statues.
As if life wasn't really that interesting anymore.
I came across a alleyway the usual spot i go to and saw a man standing there waving at me to come over.
As i approached he had a friendly laugh as he coughed a bit afterwards like the laugh took alot of energy out of his lungs he looked up at me and asked how his number one customer was doing.
At that point I really didn't feel like talking i couldn't really think what to say all that was on my mind was buying off some drugs.
Ohyeah i guess i forgot to mention on thing... I am a meth adict well actually thats what others would call me, i really don't just do meth i'll prob do any drugs i can get my hands on.
alot say its bad and can kill you and im fully aware of my actions and what will happen to me i accept any consequences.
As a child i wasn't really raised in a big fancy house in fact we were poor. My mother had a hard time to even keep me but i wasn't willing to leave my mom behind for some foster home so i stayed and went into labour at a very young age.
Never made much friends to anyone, I hardley talked much to anyone i envy so much kids back then how they had nice homes and so much stuff and always had a smile on their face and even went to school to learn.
My mom helped teach me as much as she knew about life I don't think i ever met my father.
My mom never spoke much of him she'd always tell me he was a alcoholic and leave it at that.
I guess over time I got into a habit of doing drugs by discovering some kids going through the same thing as me they said it'd help mmake the pain go away and make you understand the bueaty of what was left in life.
I think the first drug i ever took was acid i'd never really forget that first trip. everyone was laughing while i was sitting down watching the sky as the clouds would dance and speed by so fast the grass underneath me felt so comfy. for a moment i thought i was in a nice home... sitting on a comfy carpet. I forgot everything about my troubles and situation of reality like it didn't exsist. I was in a better place and i didn't wanna go back...
Since then i been doing any drugs just to get me away from the horror of reality and from the pain.
I know i will die one day of the drug abuse but im willing to leave as long as im happy with it.
It's my life no one elses... if others hate me abusing drugs then so be it but no one should have the right to try and control my life...
Once i recieved my meth for the night the man said to me to have a safe trip i just smiled and walked away.
I was pretty much in a hurry to use it so after i was at the end of the alleyway almost peering on the streets i immediantly put it to use.
I looked back to see if the guy was still there but all that remained in his spot was a damp newspaper laying on the ground.
I then took off myself to being my journey. as i stepped back onto the street it almost immediantly became busy again.. many people came out of the shadows and walke by me so fast without noticing me they moved like a blur to me.
i began to walk my own way everything seemed to move more faster than me as i would walk up the street passing all the people like trying to swim up a streaming river.
As cars drove by the tail lights left a trail and were chasing the car trying to keep up with the paste in away i felt exactly the same as the tail light.
suddenly everything died and went quiet and dark.. but only for a moment until the lights came back to dance and put on a show for me, I sat by the one street lights and watched as he various coloured lights would dance all over the street.
Until the streets seemed to flood with colours almost feeling like a rainbow in away random signs that stuck out like cansino's, clubs and bars engraves a sublimitable message in the skies.
I decided to finally head back home for the night when i relaized time was passing before my eyes as i headed back a tunnel has formed a way to guide me back as images would static like it was jolted with electricity and spiral off.
As i finally got home i laid on my bed starring up at the ceiling i could hear loud laughters and talking followed by more laughter. like there was a party going on yet the room remained dark and silent...
I closed my eyes and slowley drifted off to a whole new world and suddenly i think this time... i wasn't going to come back.
I think others would like it that way as much as i liked it.